"I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late."
"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."
"I saw a wino eating grapes, and I was like dude, you gotta wait."
“I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, 'Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under "D".'”
“I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong. ...Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me... "Come on Mitchell, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top.”-Mitch Hedberg
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4 comments:
hahahaha.
"Fruit on the bottom, hope on top."
That's the best
I LOOOOOOOOVE Mitch.
I know. I love that one so much.
I miss him.
I wish he wasn't dead.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6029452902646144512#
I don't need another step between me and toast.
and wow I wish he wasn't dead too...so sad.
I didn't even realize he was from st. paul
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