as i remember it: for lily

(written by Francesca Block)
because now as i remember it
there was almost always a smell of flowers in the air
all i had to do was read poetry and write
run through the low green hills
once a pack of us walked across town
to a chinese restaurant
ate mu shu vegetables the thin pancakes the thinly cut strands of cabbage and carrot
and tofu the lovely plum sauce
a dark moonless night the porch lights of the old house on
the leaves whispered threatening rain
but we got home dry
my boyfriend stayed in my dorm room he was sweet as kind as a girl
on weekends we took a train into the city there was
music there were white wine beat poet bars
with sawdust on the floor candlelight
through the glass melting golden colors everywhere pink taffeta
thrift store dresses or cream lace ones with blue
ribbons spreading out around me like petals
turquoise satin pumps with pointed toes
john doe and exene signing my t-shirt
chinese pastries and vases decorated with dragons and peonies
a beautiful black haired girl who was studying medicine
and painted lilies emerging from darkness
bought me sushi shaped like flowers
told me she had a crush on me
though i didn't know how to reply just as i didn't know how to
stay with that sweet sweet boy
though when i dropped to ninety-five pounds
he put his woolen arms around me and held me close
trying to keep away the cold and my fathers cancer
though we never spoke of it.